WE'RE SO SH*TE IT'S UNBELIEVABLE!!!!!!!!!!!
Well, what can we say???????????
May we point out (mainly to the people who were sat behind us in Block 112, last night, who were shouting "Get off Finnie, you're rubbish!") that, the netminder is the LAST line of defence, there are five other players on the ice who are more than capable of clearing
the puck from our defensive zone! So, in no way, shape or form should ANYBODY criticise John Finnie's or Eric Raymond's performance against Cardiff. They put everything into their performance! Which cannot be
said about the other seventeen members of the team!!!!!!!!!!
MISCONDUCT! have decided not to be down in the dumps about this humiliating experience! (the only reason we didn't nick off to the Arches before the game had ended was because the Cardiff fans would have waved at us!!!!!!!!!!!) Cardiff should realise, however, that we have done them a big favour in keeping the Steelers well
behind them in the league table (as we don't really want the Steelers to win).
We would also like to question John Lawless' decision to award the "Man of the Match" to Stephen Cooper, a defenceman, when we lost??????????? (both awards should have gone to those "CHEEKY DEVILS!"
We also think that John Lawless should sit down with Paul Heavy and have a cosy little chat...Perhaps he may pick up some tips!
A protective (towards our net minders)
STORM v SEAGULLS (THE REMATCH 15/1/97)
Once again The MISCONDUCT! Team were in attendance! To our sheer delight Ruggles scored the first goal! (it just pea rolled past Colum Caterpillar - He just had no idea where it was!!!) We would also like to point out that it should have been 3-2 not 5-2!
FIRST - Ryan Kummu (a.k.a. Diego Maradonna) scored Ayr's first goal with his glove (or is that "Hand of God") not his stick!
SECOND - Mark Woolf's so called goal didn't even cross the line...We know as we were sat right behind the goal..It bounced off Raymond's pads, hit the post and bounced straight out..In no way, shape or form did it cross the line..EVER! (We did protest to the guy with the receding hair line who was in charge of the switch that controls the goal lights - Who incidently was stood at the end near the entrance and who was obviously distracted). At which point MISCONDUCT! were heard
to scream "OI! SLAPHEAD, THAT WAS NO WAY A GOAL!!!"
Early in the first period there were an awful lot of Ayr fans suffering from "Premature Congratulations"...they all jumped up to celebrate a goal - as we saw it rebound off the post and were heard to say "HA! HA! SIT DOWN!"
We were also subjected to some fan abuse (shameful we know) from some children (who seemed to appear from nowhere) telling us this:-
"Maaanchisterrr or crrraayp" and that "Earr or brrrulllllierrrnt" (think scottish accent).
Soon after that, we scored our second goal and we celebrated this fact in the faces of these young children, then we asked the stewards to move them, otherwise there would have been a death!! A few minutes later two big fat meatheads appeared and just sat behind us, we think it was big brother!!!! But they soon left as we didn't say anything to them, but then again they didn't say anything to us.
Another matter we'd like to bring up is the matter of seating in the Centrum - in the programme it clearly states "In the interests of safety, please do not watch the game from the upper concourse. Please remain seated during play". Yet some Ayr fans remain standing on the
upper concourse until Ayr score and then they'll find seats (not necessarily their own, behind any away fan will do!). Yet nothing is done by the stewards or parents even, to keep the younger fans under control.
We also noticed a sign in the bar area saying this:-
"ALCOHOL IS NOT PERMITTED OUT WITH THE BAR AREA"
We didn't take the bar area out with us (mainly because it wouldn't have fitted in the car) but thankyou kindly for the offer anyway!
MISCONDUCT! would also like to ask:-
"Does Nickelson always ref Ayr home games or is it just coincidence?!"
Finally, we would like to thank kindly, the Storm player's coach driver for showing us a quicker and less bendy route out of Ayr to the motorway. We did fire you off once we got to the motorway and we were in bed tearing out the Z's by 2.50am. THANKYOU KINDLY!!!!
We're just curious to discover which member of Storm went to the toilet first as there was a lot of nifty breaking and swerving (that seemed quite familiar to us having travelled on the Stormforce away coach!)
A well travelled
P.S. What happened to the lads who played against the Washbisons on Sunday?
JUST A SUGGESTION
We think that instead of playing a song when a GREAT SAVE! is made, they should use footage from the film Silence of the Lambs, where Dr.Hannibal Lecter is wearing his face restraint (which does resemble a net minders mask) and use the phrase "I DON'T THINK SO
CLARISE". What D'ya fink eh?!
P.S. Don't you think Chad Penney looks like the cartoon character Arnold in the cartoon "Hey Arnold!"
KUMMU - MY HERO!
We recieved a letter!! (woooo!) from an Ayr fan and it goes as follows:
I went to the Storm v Ayr match at the arena last night and I would like to take exception to the way poor old Mr Kummu was treated by the so called Storm Fans. Yes, I admit that he was out of order at the Scotland fixture, but the man has paid the price with a six match ban. What is it about the Manchester fans that they can't forgive or forget and feel the need to boo the poor man every time he receives the puck? I also noticed, in the third period, that a vast proportion of these fans were, in fact, booing player No 23. GO FIGURE! Kummu was playing 24 wasn't he? Let's see how you do on the 15th, shall we?
This was the MISCONDUCT! reply:
We were also at said match at the Nynex and would like to tell you that we instigated the booing of poor old Mr Kummu. He didn't pay the price with his six match ban. The man should be kicked out of British Ice Hockey and committed!!....especially after Sundays match, he was
clearly seen by the MISCONDUCT! team snubbing Hilton Ruggles after he'd made an attempt to talk to Kummu. We would also like to point out that it is actually Kummu who cannot forgive and forget.........cast your mind back to the Storm v Blackburn match of last season....he was hit in the face with Mr Ruggles' stick and Hilton did pay the price for that in the sin bin. Also at Ayr:
Ruggles was also booed by the entire Ayr audience (for some reason) every time he touched the puck and it escalated after the sin bin incident and you already know our feelings on that! It was Kummu who carried it on at Ayr earlier this season where he plainly assaulted Hilton Ruggles (how much did he pay the guy in the sin bin to let him out to have a go at Hilton?). We also hope that Hilton Ruggles pressed charges for assault because that is clearly what it was!!! As for the crowd booing No 23 all we can say is that they didn't know
who they were booing or why, but we did. (the fact that he played dirty and is called Lala justified this anyway). And we made up this little ditty special at the two above mentioned Ayr things:
KUMMU IS A SCUMBAG!
KUMMU IS A SCUMBAG!
LALA IS TOO!
LALA IS TOO!
(repeat to fade..)
(you know the song...the one the gremlins danced to in their sequel)
P.S. Kummu is our hero too!.........NOT!!
P.P.S. If you change the "G" to a "K" in Ayr's No 21 surname........
NOTTINGHAM - MAGIC ELBOWS AND DR. PHIBES
Well....what can we say....It sure was a good performance..by Nottingham, they hit the puck so skillfully under the boarding once under pressure!! And then there was Ruggles with his MAGIC ELBOWS!!!!!! Even the commentators on Sky couldn't understand why that was called (the man was nowhere near him). It's no wonder Storm played bobbins, Nottingham had Dr. Phibes (see
Hammer Horror films) on their side, playing the organ! They were probably scared to death that they'd get eaten to death by locusts! (we half expected them to applaud the organist and turn to see a spinning chair and to hear a haunting voice saying "COME VULNAVIA!"). Anyway the less said about that match the better.
P.S. Doesn't Mike Morin bleed well! It was the best performance of the night!
LOOK AT ME I'M INTERESTING!
We couldn't help but notice at the Storm v Hawks game that Nick Crawley was wearing THE most loudest and hideous orange shirt that we have ever seen in our lives that seemed to be screaming "LOOK AT ME I'M STILL INTERESTING!"
Yet another word from the wise....."NICK MAN....BIN IT....It makes you look like a hairdresser!!"
COOPER IN NEED OF NEW HEAD GEAR SHOCKER!
It has been brought to our attention that Steve Cooper's helmet flattens his ever so perfect hairstyle (see Arches postmatch). We believe that if said helmet could be designed around the shape of his hair (like those plastic Elvis wigs...you know the ones!) he would
benefit greatly from it (then again so would Nick Poole and Jeff Sebastian).
PS. If Nick Crawley is indeed a hairdresser does he style all of Storm's hair, or just the three mentioned above?!
AN ACCIDENTAL GATECRASH
Due to our hours of work on Monday 23 December (It was 10:15pm when we eventually finished), we decided to go to the Arches for a pint before going home. And who should we stumble across stumbling over a bar stool but Mr Vegas himself! We had indeed gatecrashed the Storm's christmas party!! And we would just like to say they sure were rowdier than a rowdy thing! And they got a better selection of music than we get in the Arches! (And the same chap did the disco at our christmas party and played the same sh*te and came out with the same
stupid comments). We would have joined in the festive fun but alas MISCONDUCT! didn't get an invitation...sniff...sniff!
a slightly miffed
THE CHRISTMAS FUN NIGHT
As always the MISCONDUCT! Team were in attendance!! A BRILLIANT AND SUCCESSFUL EVENING! (the best this season anyway) and one of the members of MISCONDUCT! did manage to stay upright on skates and skated with some players (unfortunately Daryl Lipsey refused to help remaining and struggling members of our team, we managed OK but for a slight and accidental collision with Eric
Raymond. Honest it was accidental!!). A good night was had by all! We would also like to take this opportunity to point out that Satan himself invented the skates that you hire at ice rinks...we're not sure if it was before or after he invented olives (they are what evil tastes like) but that is another story!
(with sore feet)
A BIG THANKYOU
We would like to take this opportunity to thank John Lawless kindly for signing the "Magically Babelicious" Eric Raymond. It has to be said that:- "IF HE WERE PRESIDENT HE'D BE BABERAHAM LINCOLN"
WHO IS LIGHTNING JACK?
We have our very own theory on said subject...
We suspect (but can not yet confirm) that the man behind the hideous little critter is none other than......
No:1 COLIN "SAFE HANDS" DOWNIE !!!!!!!!
Here are the reasonings behind this logic:
1. Lightning jack is always VERY steady on his feet.
Let us know what you think!
2. Thursday 12/12/96 STORM v Hawks Lightning Jack was VERY unsteady on his feet all the way through the build up (and we were secretly wishing it to happen).
3. Downie was on the ice for the first period, taken off in the second period and remained on the bench for the rest of the evening.
4. Our dreams came true and the little yellow critter went A.O.T.! at the end of the match.
5. 16/12/96 STORM v Tigers, the little yellow critter was back to his steady self. (Colin Downie was not seen on the ice for obvious reasons).
Answers on a postcard to.......
STORM AT BLACKBURN
Who was that number 8 in black? Blackburn should get rid of him, he was dire!
P.S. Is Ronan from Boyzone, Finnie with hair? And is Nick Poole Nutty Joe from Eastenders?
Answers on a postcard...........
THE FUN? RUN
We participated in the run thing at the Nynex (we raised over £100 by the way) and we would just like to say.......
It most certainly was not fun to run! It is a long way around that concourse, we can tell you that for nothing!
All the members of the team (except two) made an appearance. They also did a marathon autograph session, which cunningly got them out of running too much! We would also like to pose the question - Did they have to get any sponsors or was this yet another cunning plan - "get the fans to do the work!"
Having said this the team were very patient and friendly whilst being beseiged by hundreds of fans demanding their attention, even Lightning Jack got mobbed!
It was the "new" arena "stewards" that were less patient with the fans. It is an impossible job to tell children to wait until the end to get autographs while the team were more than willing to take time out to do so.
THAT AYR GAME
We went to Ayr on Thursday and well, what can we say?
The match was never going to go our way because the referee was from Ayr and used to play ice hockey for Ayr anyway, and he was Folka in disguise! And Kummu needs muzzling and kept on a short lead! The man needs committing! We thought Ruby had a bad temper, but this man took the cake and ate it! (without paying too)
Thank you kindly
WIDE BOYS AT THE ARCHES
It has come to our attention (we cannot reveal our sources) that some Storm players are in fact as wide as their padding!
The prime culprits are :
Dale (tooms-see x files) Jago
Shawn(he hides from the public) Byram
Brad (the not so solid rock) Rubachuk
Chad (he hides it well) Penney
Our sources suggest that they are in fact beer guts of English proportions! Even to the point where they hang over their belts! And they say they keep in shape! Well we say "PAH!" to that little myth.
A word from the wise "It's not big and it's not clever so...SUCK IT IN LADS!"
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