MISCONDUCT!



RUGGLES V KUMMU THE RE RE RE RE REMATCH!

Once again, we made the long 223 mile trip (and not the 1/2 mile trip to Prestwich) to Prestwick, to watch the second leg of the B&H Semi Final. Once again, we lost!

It was our first trip to Ayr this season and our first glimpse of their mascot...What is it?! And why isn't there a law against it?! (we thought lightnin' jack was bad!) It looks like Howard the Duck has been involved in some kind of genetic experiment that went horribly wrong!! We would have to say, that out of all the mascots...PANTHERMAN RULES O.K!!!

We also heard the now infamous, Ayr Scottish Eagles' song, we must admit, it didn't sound all that bad....but then again, we couldn't really hear it that well!

As for the match, credit where credit's due, they played really well - both teams. But must the Ruggles/Kummu saga continue? Sure, it provides good entertainment and the extra opportunity to shout at Ryan Kummu, but it's been two years....it's getting a bit boring now! Come on guys, get over it and get on with your lives!

We did come away with only that to say, however, after seeing the fight on Sky (when we had made the 223 mile trip back, obviously) we couldn't help but wonder.....was Kummu trying to kiss and make up with Ruggles, or was he trying to do a Tyson, and bite Ruggles' ear off?

We have a special message for our beloved Ryan :

The above message should also be heeded by the numerous players who try the same stunt, week in, week out.

Thankyou Kindly,
We lurve you Ryan!
MISCONDUCT!


PS. During the warm up period, several pucks were aimed in our general direction by Ayr...one critically injuring a member of MISCONDUCT! (ow!) We would like to point out that we didn't receive the offending item (as it travelled a further three rows back!) If you have the puck....Keep it, we don't want it anyway! She has the injuries that were sustained during this vicious attack!

MISCONDUCT! would like to say a big THANKYOU KINDLY to the first aid staff at the Centrum Arena for the ice.....The member of MISCONDUCT! is now in a stable condition and is well out of danger!


SIMON'S PAGE IS PULLED (NOT-SO) SHOKKA!

After discussing at great length, whether or not to write about this....We decided..PUCK IT! At the end of the day it will only be our opinion, voiced on our page as we have always done - whether it be off on a tangent or one of the rare occasions when we actually get serious.

At the time of writing this, Simon has had no OFFICIAL reason for this decision.....so, we can only speculate as to why...but the timing does seem rather suspect!

The puzzling thing about all this, is that Simon didn't actually get involved in THE DEBATE! All we can really say about it is : If this is the reason...Then it's a very petty one.

Thankyou Kindly,
And that's our opinion
MISCONDUCT!


STORM IN BAD FOOTWEAR SHOKKA!

It has been brought to our attention (tut, tut, now you know we can't tell you who) that although the fellas look very smart, even sexy, in their Ciro suits, they seem to be wearing, what can only be described as the most hideous "Mr Men" shoes the world has ever seen. And dare we say (of course we dare!) that there may even be a hint of.......wait for it........White Socks!!!!

Now, we have never stated that we are Queens of fashion or anything, but white socks with black suits is a big NO! And those slip ons with the tassels - you know the ones we mean - now we're showing our age! - what are they all about?!

MISCONDUCT! Handy Hint :

If you see a good looking fella, in a smart suit......always check out the footwear!!!! Bad taste in footwear shatters all your hopes and dreams!

Thankyou Kindly,
Smug, in our Caterpillars
MISCONDUCT!


NEWCASTLE SIGN NOTTINGHAM PLAYER SHOKKA!!

It has been brought to our attention that Newcastle have cunningly disguised The Sheriff of Nottingham and are icing him under the alias of Rob Trumbley! Well...We've foiled your plan Mr Brebant and we can exclusively reveal that the Storm's new signing, that everyone is speculating about is actually Robin of Locksley! Although Kurt and Daryl are still debating whether or not to ice him under an alias.

We have also noticed that it isn't the first time that Newcastle have used these tactics...Check out the striking resemblance between Rick Brebant and Michael J Fox.

Thankyou Kindly,
No we've not been drinking
MISCONDUCT!


HELLO STORM......WE'RE BACK!

We're back from the good old USofA...Sure did enjoy the rest of our day!

After visiting Disney and then Universal and Busch Gardens (Finnie was not there!) we managed to see this Orlando Solar Bears hockey match......

(posted to us, courtesy of Simon)


Friday, Oct. 10, 1997... Home opener against Houston Aeros..... Shoot out win 4-3... (1-2-0)

Two snipers for the Bears came through in the waning moments of the third period, driving the game into a shootout, one we are used to hearing from, and one we will become used to. Eric Nickulas and Mark Beaufait both got their first goals of the year in tonight's shoot-out win. But I'm getting ahead of myself...

The first period was pretty skating, and few penalties, but not much shooting or successful passing either. The period ended with no score.

The second period, however, looked almost like a clone of the Bears third period against Quebec - undisciplined, ugly hockey. The Solar Bears scored first, when Pat Neaton got his first of the year at 0:37 after a steal by Bill Armstrong (ultimately the 1st star of the game). The rest of this period Orlando "got caught looking", to quote Curt Fraser. At 7:08 (power play), Brian Wiseman (Hughes!!!, Hawgood) trickled one past a sprawled Scott Lagrand, with 3 Bears standing around. Another came for Houston at 14:14 from Neil Brady (Valicevic, Cull), putting them up at 1-2. Never content to merely trail, dumb penalty followed dumb penalty, as Dave Chyzowski took down an Aero (around the neck), putting us in a 5 on 3, which the Aeros converted on, going five-hole on LaGrand, who let it pop through even with "the pillows squeezed". We ended the period trailing 1-3.

Life support was restored late in the third period (after the patient had been declared legally dead) when Eric Nickulas fed a pass out front supposedly to Mark Beaufait, which bounced off the back of Peter Skudra and into the net. Eric's first, and a real breath of hope for the Orlando squad. Not two minutes later the same line scored again to even the score three-all, when Mark Beaufait (on a power play) popped one home (Neaton, Buchanon). This was Mark's first goal of the year, as well. Regulation time expired in a tie.

Shooters for Houston were: Oliver (nope), Hughes (nope), McRae (nope) and Wiseman (nope)

Shooters for Orlando were: Beaufait (yes), Chyzowski (nope), Armstrong (yes)

The Solar Bears took a necessary win this evening, and it was great to see them not give up in the third period. But, as radio announcer John Dyer said in the post-game program, if the Bears continue playing the kind of undisciplined hockey they played in the second period, they may not get too many chances to come back. Great win, and a terrific lift to several players who need one: Beaufait, Nickulas, Neaton and Armstrong. Tomorrow night, it's Kevin Smyth's turn.


 ...Sounds really exciting doesn't it?...We could've played better than they did!!!

What this article neglects to mention is that play was stopped every 3 minutes for games such as :-

The price is right
Name that tune
Balloon in a bucket
Put on a frozen T-Shirt
Pass around the K Mart sign
Guess the film
Guess the next line
Who is the best dancer

It's no wonder they couldn't string two passes together, if they actually played for more than three minutes at a time they might improve!

And to top off our disappointing evening, there was no food to be had at the end of the second period, we were not allowed to take our Star Wars Light Sabres (Darth Vader and Luke Skywalker) into the "orena" and had to take them all the way back to the car!!!!!!!!!!! And finally, we were asked for ID for non alcoholic beer!!!!!!!! (and you may have thought Ogdens were bad!)

By the way, Nick EE Chinn would be right at home with the Solar Bears because Mark Beaufait (pronounced "Buffay") plays for them. Everyone knows...where there's a buffet....there's pies!!!!

However, all was not lost...we managed to watch several NHL matches on TV and discovered Eric Lindros (#88 Philadelphia Flyers) and he IS a babe!! We also watched some new Due South and on a distant channel far far away...We found....DERN DERN DERRR!...The dukes of hazzard!!!!

Thankyou Kindly,
A jet lagged
MISCONDUCT!


20 THINGS MISCONDUCT! WOULD NEVER SAY!

1) My Alex Dampier looks well!

2) We really fancy Frank Kovacs in that nice grey suit (see Superleague pin-ups) What a hunk!

3) We sure do love Ryan Kummu.

4) We wish we were puck bunnies (but we are too old).

5) Nicholson sure was a fair referee.

6) We won't go to the pub after the match.

7) Nicky Chinn sure needs a shave.

8) Isn't Justin Duberman's mouth straight.

9) We find the match programme value for money and there's always plenty.

10) No, we don't want another beer.

11) We really hope Sheffield win this season.

12) That Stefan Ketola noise is so ace.

13) We really love to do the dance to "Jump Around".

14) We really would like some pom poms, a foam finger and a thunderboard for Christmas.
15) We really don't think Kurt should sign Ruby next season.

16) You never see Tim Dempsey or Alan Hough anymore (they don't phone, they don't write...)

17) John Lawless was the best coach ever.

18) Shawn Byram is good.

19) My, it's a shame that Nottingham signed Sebby and we didn't, he's such a good defender.

20) We won't go to Orlando on the 4TH of October!!!!!


Thankyou Kindly,
MISCONDUCT!


IN DEFENCE OF SIMON (SHOKKA!)

Apparently, after the Newcastle match on Sunday, Simon was talking to Jenny Dobson in the Arches, when a mad woman approached him and had a go at him about his articles in the match programme........

In his defence we must ask...."Does this woman have a computer?". We shall assume... NO! Hence the lack of interest in what Simon writes about.

On the up side, we must point out that Stephanie Gill's article in the programme was rather good! It was actually about ice hockey and not about her encounters with the players and what they smell like!

Give yourself a pat on the back Steph!

Thankyou Kindly,
A defensive,
MISCONDUCT!


THE PIT OF DESPAIR!

We have come up with an answer to why Storm suddenly have difficulty in scoring....(goals)

It is:

THE PLAGUE PIT,
UNDER PLATFORM 9,
VICTORIA TRAIN STATION,
MANCHESTER.

Please write to it and ask it not to do this in future (we have tried and it will not listen to us!) Remember, the more people that write, the more good it will do for the Storm!

Thankyou Kindly,
An unplagued,
MISCONDUCT!


SPONSORSHIP RIP OFF!

We have noticed that as well as sponsoring individual parts of the kit of your favourite players, you can also spend a vast amount of money sponsoring the entire kit and having your name put in a tiny box for the privilege, whilst everybody else who spent far less money can take up five bits of a grid (for example)!

Now, is it just us, or are Ogdens making twice as much money for sponsorship this season?!

Thankyou Kindly,
??????
MISCONDUCT!


SOME PEOPLE MAY FIND THIS OFFENSIVE.....

We received this regarding "Sad Folk" (or whatever they like to call themselves now... And before you get on your high horse Ms Manford, we have travelled away with Stormforce!)

Maybe we could have some new games for the period breaks such as:

1) Tunnel of Blood.
Everyone goes up to the concourse, they form two walls to create a tunnel around the concourse. Then, (here comes the good part) a Sad B has to run through the tunnel while the Storm fans kick, punch, stab (weapons optional) the Sad B. For every yard the Sad B goes, £5 goes to charity, and for the person who knocks unconscious/kills the Sad B he/she gets £50.

2) Shoot the F**k.
Just like shoot the puck but instead of a net, a Sad B. £1 for a bruise, £5 for a broken bone, £10 for concussion and £50 for a dead Sad B or a hit in the testicles.

3) Kummu Knockout.
This one is simple! Ryan Kummu in a penalty box with a Sad B and 2 minutes. If the Sad B wins he/she will get a stick signed by the Steelers (well that's who they support). If Kummu wins he gets a stick signed by Hilton Ruggles.

We could even have specials such as Steelers fans like Dave Simms, Devils fans such as Carson or Hagar the Horrible fans such as Steeler Dan.

PS. Has anyone thought of throwing them off the second tier, at least they will get their wish of getting on the ice.

Thankyou Kindly,
Dave in Prestwich
(where all the best ideas come from)
MISCONDUCT!


MISCONDUCT! THANK STEELERS FANS (SHOKKA!)

We would like to say a big "Thankyou Kindly" to the Steelers fans who cheered on the Storm when we played Dynamo Moscow! Hey, you've got to see a European match somewhere! (it's just a pity your management saw fit to withdraw from the competition to enable Cardiff to get a new arena!)

Thankyou Kindly,
European,
MISCONDUCT!


WE'RE FLYING HIGH

The following was found on the Ayr Web page!!!! Ayr are just about to release a song (like Steelers did!!)

The Lyrics for the New Eagles theme song sung by the players and played before and after the game, soon to be on sale at the Centrum shop.

WELL!!!
What can you say about that?!

Good lyrics boys, not in the least bit repetitive! We think you should change some of the lyrics...


We're the Eagles...
Kings of the big game PENALTY!!!!!


We also received this (apparantly true!) story from an Ayr fan......

ENOUGH SAID

Thankyou Kindly,
Off to Orlando in 35 hours,
MISCONDUCT!


NICHOLSON

In case, anybody was wondering what had happened to our favourite referee..... He's been sacked! Along with several others... apparently.

All we can say is :-

THANKYOU KINDLY,

MISCONDUCT!


THE PROGRAMME

We couldn't help but notice, how dire the match night programme is (apart from the amazing articles by Simon).

(Simon's note: Your so obviously genuine comment was so gratefully received!)

Not only is the spelling atrocious, - we would like to know the following :

Who do Mike Moria, Ivan Matulive and Troy Neurneier play for?
When will the "neutal" zone become neutral?
When will Dominic Maltais become Dominic Maltais, and not Stephen Cooper (see the Interlaken programme)?

- but,it also has NO content...

OK! Hands up who wanted to know about The Boston Bruins' facilities? We are in fact thrilled by the prospect of:-

13 escalators.. 34 loos.. Huge pretzels.. Plump hotdogs.. and the fact that it is a newfangled fleet centre and next time we are in the area we shall indeed stroll to our seats with a spring in our step and an ever present kind thought for progress!

Words seem to fail us, after reading the articles by Stephanie Gill. If the editor of the programme was male, we would have accused her of sleeping with him to get that stuff printed! We think that after passing her A Levels, she should be capable of so much more!

We could go on... but we have only so much space!

We end with one question... What is an editor for?

Thankyou Kindly,
We'll have that saucer of cream now...
MISCONDUCT!


KOVACS IN STILL A SCUMBAG (NOT-SO) SHOKKA!

We always knew that this match was going to be tough, not just for Storm, but for us too...... after such a long period of time, could we still manage to insult the Steelers with the same amount of contempt and hatred as we had last season? YES!

The words flowed so easily.....

KOVACS, YOU'RE A SCUMBAG!
BEAULIEU, YOU CRIMINAL!
CHINN, ARE YOU CAPABLE OF GROWING ANY FACIAL HAIR?

The insults never stopped, but the Steelers fans did! Did we shock them or what? Where was "Whooosh, it's behind you"? "We are Number 1"?

It may have ended in a draw, but we all know that, on this particular occasion the Steelers were just plain and simply.......lucky!

Thankyou Kindly,
A smug, special at you!
MISCONDUCT!


INTERLAKEN!

Hmmm, fun...if you like that sort of thing!

We didn't bother celebrating after the second goal!

Thankyou Kindly,
A bored,
MISCONDUCT!


STORM v TIGERS

A little more entertaining than the Interlaken game...But, not much.... good fighting though!

Did anyone catch Hrivnak playing charades with the crowd in Block 109? By the way, it was Chumbawumba "Tubthumping"...... he got knocked down, but he got up again... and no one tried to keep him down..... we thought he was trying to keep the circulation going, either that or he was doing aerobics....... the "Hrivnak Works Out" video, is coming soon! You'll see him sporting a green lycra leotard (with knicker bum), black tights and powder blue leg warmers!

Thankyou Kindly,
An off on a tangent,
MISCONDUCT!


SEASON TICKET HORROR!

When purchasing our season tickets, we were not forewarned of the hazards of doing so.....

Imagine our horror to discover, we will be sat in front of 2 children, who can only be described as "Spawns of Satan!" or "Princes of Darkness!".

Every match they insist on competing with each other to see how many ice hockey terms they can think of, in the space of 30 seconds! Waving the hideous and satanic FOAM FINGER over our heads and occasionally hitting us with it!

Keep a look out for these "Spawns of Satan" being launched onto the ice soon! (The horns and claws will give away their identities on impact!)

(we had thought of asking Hrivnak to exorcize them!)

Thankyou Kindly, (Ogdens!)
A loaded with holy water & crucifixes
MISCONDUCT!


HAIRCUT! HAIRCUT!

We have noticed that Storm have a team doctor and a team dentist.... do they also have a team stylist? (maybe Martin Smith hasn't left after all, or have they re-employed Nick Crawley?)

They all seemed to have new hairdos for the match against Telford! One of the Kicking K's new tactics... Scare 'em with the stylish bouffants, boys!

Thankyou Kindly,
A laughing at their lack of hair
MISCONDUCT!


THE PUCK BUNNIES RETURN...SURPRISE! SURPRISE!

During the off season,we have frequented the fine establishment known as "THE ARCH" (every weekend actually and we think we have kept their bank balance in the red!) We had come to love the solitude and comfort (yes people there are chairs in the Arches!) it had to offer us.

We thought we would escape the wrath of the bunnies until at least next weekends match against Sheffield...How wrong can you be!!! They're back! They've multiplied! and they even sat in our seats! They are a hazard to their own health because we love our seats and will defend them right to the end of our pints! And should this unfortunate incident happen again, they will be puck bunnies no more...

You may be wondering why we have dedicated a space on our page to this...they are giving female fans a bad name!

Thankyou Kindly,
A really unimpressed
MISCONDUCT!


STORM IN TALENT SHOKKA!

Having watched the International Tournament with much interest, we have discovered that not only do they have talent but, they can also do this amazing thing, which we have been led to believe is called...DEFENCE!

WOW! A whole 19 goals, 115 Shots on goal, in 2 games! That's more than we achieved in the entirety of last season! Not only has the Kicking K been training them hard, he has taught them to fight too (Hilton Ruggles and Stephen Cooper mixing it?!).

We await to pass judgement on Sunday.

Thankyou Kindly,
A quite impressed
MISCONDUCT!


MISCONDUCT! IN SCUPPERED SHOKKA!

Yes, it has happened! This weekend we were rumbled by none other than JHYJ! And It's going to be painful when we have to raid our Arching fund after the Steelers match to purchase a beer (especially for someone else!!!)

We must congratulate the Jacket on its powers of deduction! We'll see you on Sunday.

Thankyou Kindly,
An unjacketed
MISCONDUCT!


AN APOLOGY TO JON HAMMOND'S YELLOW JACKET! (SHOCKA)

It has been brought to our attention (on many occasions) that in our article on the Stormforce AGM we mentioned a "Sad B" standing up and saying "You're always going to meet people you don't like". We would like to set the record straight, it was NOT a "Sad B" as we first thought, it was in fact JHYJ.

(Simon's note: And I know who at the time said, "Not all on the same coach, though!" Errm, I think I'd better hide...)

We apologize for any distress caused by this juvenile error (we were hungover!) any p**s taking you may have received from any friends because of this....must cease now!

Thankyou Kindly,
A most red-faced
MISCONDUCT!


OGLING OPPORTUNITIES 'A' PLENTY!

Well, the players are back in town (the Caffrey's in the Arch has got better) and we have already spotted many of the players (old and new) out and about!

One more week to go! WELCOME BACK, WE MISSED YOU!

Thankyou Kindly,
A happy, once again,
MISCONDUCT!


WHERE DID THEY GO?

This is the question we have been asking ourselves, and have come up with a few suggestions :-

JOHN FINNIE - MGM Studios, Florida?
JEFF LINDSAY - retired?
ERIC RAYMOND - remote control heaven?
ERIC CALDER - Mexico?
MARTIN SMITH - filming another series of Moving Story?
DAVID SMITH - Boyzone?
DAVE LATTA - Model for Crystal Ken?
NICK POOLE - Walford?
BART FOURTEENLETTERS - hospital?
CHAD PENNEY - back to cartoonland?
BRAD ZAVISHA - toothpaste adverts?
JOHN LAWLESS - Schnapps (Ice Warriors)?
JEFF SEBASTIAN - Guest appearances at Las Vegas weddings? (see Noel Gallagher's wedding photos!)
SHAWN BYRAM - wherever he is, we're sure he's wearing #99!

Correct answers would be appreciated!

Thankyou Kindly,
A curious,
MISCONDUCT!


ICE WARRIORS?

Krell the Tormentor eh? More like Hilton the Slightly Annoying in full Skeletor costume!

The compere thought he was funny..He was the only one laughing at his jokes..Personally we found him about as funny as piles and as welcome as a fart in a spacesuit!

It sure was hard for Nottingham to get that gold flag from Rax the destroyer....twice!

We're sure it will be a most entertaining programme.....after a few pints!

It's a good job it was free!

Thankyou Kindly,
An in favour of fair play,
MISCONDUCT!


[Back to MISCONDUCT! Index page]
These pages are maintained by Simon Sandiford-Mitchell and hosted by U-Net.